Two months without photographic evidence.

Rodj pointed out how some people can fill out a photo album (with selfies) in a week. (Or a day, even.) But while we were still dating before, we never had many photos.

We had very few photos together. If we compile all our photos, we won’t even fill three pages. We did a mental inventory: One or two in Baguio, some from Bataan. (He said photos with big groups do not count.)

So, no, we don’t even seem to have photos of us when we were still boyfriends.

That we were talking about these things while watching Deadpool (something in the movie triggered the conversation) on the eve of Valentine’s, our hands held, weirds me out a little because it’s several layers of surreal.

Deadpool movie still

But surreal is nice, too.

#30DayWritingChallenge: My last love.

Would you look at that. I actually finished this thirty-day writing challenge thing. Although I feel a little mocked by the Universe for this last writing topic.

Day Thirty: My last love.

Rodj in Baguio Village Inn.

I started having a crush on Rodj when he posted a haiku on unrequited crush and ended it with “sayang ang condom”. I never told him this, but I was (and still am) a big fan of his Twitter posts. When we first met each other, he was a very quiet guy, taller than me, and quite shy; I thought he wasn’t interested in me.

But we became friends. And, eventually, friends with benefits. For some people, romantic or sexual relations follow a particular pattern. We had jokes about the timing of those times when we would meet and sleep together, when he realized there was a pattern to it.

Read the rest: I did not expect that we will eventually become boyfriends.

#30DayWritingChallenge: A trip I can’t forget. (Baguio)

Day Twenty-Eight: A trip I can’t forget. (Baguio)

We didn’t have a fixed itenerary. The plan was to go there, visit some touristy places, and eat. Going to Baguio has become, for me, like going to a friend’s house — a friend who lives six hours away by bus.

I can’t remember exactly why I invited Rodj. I think it was because he was a bit depressed that time and I wanted to cheer him up; I was also itching to get out of Manila and wanted to have just one travel companion. Or maybe because I was already into him at that time. So I invited him to Baguio. It was our first out-of-town trip together.

We stayed at the Baguio Village Inn, a quaint old place made mostly from old wood. We ate at various places, some neither of us tried before. We went to a little fake cemetery in Camp John Hay, the Slaughterhouse district, and my favorite indie bookstore.

Gerilya exhibit in Bencab Museum.

We went to the Bencab Museum; it was my first time to enter it. There was an exhibit from Gerilya, a local group of street artists, ongoing at that time and we enjoyed how the group poked fun at the Cordillera tourist culture.

I visited the museum again, several months later, with other friends.

Red flags.

Meeting up with him tonight was a bad idea.

He talked about red flags from the other guy he dated — warnings against getting further involved with the guy which he should have heeded sooner.

What I should have realized were his recent red flags. The abruptly ended online conversations. The evasion when asked when will we see each other. I was the only one who tried to keep our communication open.

We talked of former flames who left us damaged. We talked of our many personal dysfunctions. We talked of why he didn’t want me back to his life.

I see his reason and I understand it. But it hurts whenever he drives me away.

When the other guy told him that he stayed with the former because he didn’t think anyone else would want him I wanted to break the other guy’s nose.

I want him.
I love him.
I am not no one.

Three in the morning and we were walking along the empty street. I tried to hold his hand but he moved away. He crossed the street and walked away quicker.

And I realized how tired I am of running after him.

I let him turn at a corner until he was out of sight. I walked away slowly to give him time to get a cab and drive away.

He doesn’t want me anymore. I should have seen the red flags sooner.

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#30DayWritingChallenge: An inanimate object that’s important to me.

Day Five: An inanimate object that’s important to me.

My ex-boyfriend, Rodj, joked about writing something about him for this 30-day writing challenge.

It so happened that I was already planning to write about Geronimo, the sea turtle stuffed toy he gave me after he came back from a vacation in Palawan. This was before we became a couple, but were already sort-of dating.

I also thought of writing the entry as a villanelle; don’t ask me why. I’ve never written that kind of poem before, but I’ve always wanted to give it a try. So here we go.

Villanelle Tungkol sa Isang Laruang Pawikan

Saan na ang susunod, Geronimo,
kapag natapos na? Walang namang napala.
Balik tayo sa simula, Geronimo.

Ikaw ang naisip niyang regalo
para sa lalaking naiwan sa Maynila.
Saan na ang susunod, Geronimo?

Kunwari ay narating din kahit paano
ang dagat. Sa ngayon, ikaw muna.
Balik tayo sa simula, Geronimo.

Nasa isip niya ako kahit sa malayo,
noong bago pa kami nagsimula.
Saan na ang susunod, Geronimo?

Maikling panahon, nahiwalay pareho.
Unawaan na nauwi din sa wala.
Balik tayo sa simula, Geronimo.

Sandaling nilagi; parang ang layo
nang mararating namin sana.
Saan na ang susunod, Geronimo?
Balik tayo sa simula, Geronimo.

A villanelle about a toy sea turtle.

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