Meeting up with him tonight was a bad idea.
He talked about red flags from the other guy he dated — warnings against getting further involved with the guy which he should have heeded sooner.
What I should have realized were his recent red flags. The abruptly ended online conversations. The evasion when asked when will we see each other. I was the only one who tried to keep our communication open.
We talked of former flames who left us damaged. We talked of our many personal dysfunctions. We talked of why he didn’t want me back to his life.
I see his reason and I understand it. But it hurts whenever he drives me away.
When the other guy told him that he stayed with the former because he didn’t think anyone else would want him I wanted to break the other guy’s nose.
I want him.
I love him.
I am not no one.
Three in the morning and we were walking along the empty street. I tried to hold his hand but he moved away. He crossed the street and walked away quicker.
And I realized how tired I am of running after him.
I let him turn at a corner until he was out of sight. I walked away slowly to give him time to get a cab and drive away.
He doesn’t want me anymore. I should have seen the red flags sooner.