Day Twenty: The stupidest thing I ever did.
What is with these superlatives?
Can one always categorize all the experiences one went through with one’s life and separate the smart from the stupid. Following that, one must then rank, with considerable amount of objective accuracy, which one is the least stupid, which one is the next, and so on.
But this is day twenty and I’m two-thirds done with this challenge. Great time for me to even start complaining about the daily topics. Admittedly, these little asides are just ways for me to introduce what I will be writing about, as well as maybe pad my posts a little.
Dropping out of college was stupid. It wasn’t even because my parents cannot afford it. They could. Barely. And I should have appreciated their efforts more back then.
I dropped out not because I was unintelligent. Stupid is not the same as unintelligent. I was, if I wanted to, good at academic performance for the most part. I was competent in Math, good in communications, above average in the sciences, and noticeably talented in the arts. Maybe not Renaissance guy levels, but I can easily be among the top twenty percentile of students, if I worked on it.
And that was one of the problems: I was lazy. I still am. Demotivated as fuck. Arrogance and lack of motivation rarely gets anything done.
For some time, I was more interested in extra-curriculars. That was another problem. Org work was more stimulating. It also ruined my academics. At one point, I ended up with a semester in an underload. Another semester had me nearly missing all the required majors. Eventually, I dropped everything and went AWOL.
Mostly, I spent the rest of the school calendar roaming around Manila. I pretended I still went to school while I spent mornings and afternoons watching old buildings in Escolta, watching the curiosities in Quiapo, or reading second-hand novels by the breakwater. I’m not sure if my parents ever found out about it.
Eventually, I found some part-time work and gave an excuse that I’m no longer interested in college. Lots of wasted chances there. Lots of wasted money.
Fifteen years later, I’m back to the same mindset. I quit my job, I spend my time home, and I’m looking for something to motivate me. I see the signs but I haven’t really done anything about it, yet.
So that’s why I am writing this down: to remind myself of my stupidity. It seems fifteen years is enough time for me to start forgetting about that.